Modern Family

Today’s modern family is not like the modern family of the 1950s… in what you can see in old “Leave it to Beaver” reruns on some cable channel.  Sure there are plenty of families out there that still consist of mom, dad, and the kids (and maybe some pets, too).  My family is like that.  Even my sister’s is like that.  But in the 21st century, the modern family can be a lot more complex more times than it is simple.  There are step parents, step siblings, and half siblings.  There are single parents, and even grandparents or an aunt and uncle raising someone else’s kids.  There are also adoptive parents and kids.  And yes, there are even gay parents.  Within today’s modern circle, the idea of family has become a bigger circle and yet the concept still remains the same.

And as our concept of the modern family changes in the present time, we must also be willing to change our perceptions of what that means.  Most religious scholars would say that a family is proper with mom, dad, and the kids.  That kids need a mom and dad.  Yet more studies are showing that kids need a loving and nurturing home and environment, and that can come from any of the various types of families that I mentioned above.  In that sense, the term family can take on any of those meanings and be acceptable.

The other week in Congress, the Uniting American Families Act (UAFA) was introduced, and I will say that this particular piece of legislation (and what I’m going to say about it) has a personal connection to myself.  So please keep that in mind as you proceed.  This particular legislation in aimed at reuniting families of an American citizen who’s partner is from another country.  With a heterosexual couple, if one person is an American citizen then they can sponsor their spouse for citizenship no matter what country they were married in… whether it be here in the US, in the other spouse’s home country, or even in just a random country.  The marriage is legal and recognized.

As it stands right now (mostly because DOMA — the Defense of Marriage Act), the federal government only recognizes a marriage between a man and woman.  Yet, the federal government says it’s an issue that is left to the states.  Several states have passed gay marriage laws and others have passed civil unions.  But still the federal government doesn’t recognize any of them.  And since the federal government handles immigration, when it comes to a gay couple, a person cannot sponsor his/her partner for immigration (or citizenship)… even if they were married (or entered into a civil union) legally in one of the states (or the District of Columbia) that permits it, or in the other partner’s home nation should it be legal there.  It is a double standard that goes against the very concept of the term “modern family,” and leaves the federal government once again telling its people who you’re supposed to love and making some of us choose between love of that special person and love of our country.  Any heterosexual couple in an international relationship can more or less choose which “home” nation they want to live in, but a gay couple can only choose the one that will recognize their union.

So here’s where it gets to the more personal side.  A couple of years ago I met a British guy when he was vacationing here in my home city.  We were instant friends and there was a bit of a spark between us.  Even since he has left, we have kept in touch through emails and even Skype and what started when he was here definitely hasn’t gone away.  We have found that we do care about each other more than we thought possible for two people living so far apart and having spent just that short amount of time together.  There has been some talk about our future plans together and where we would want to take things.  As of right now, though, the only option would be for me to move overseas to his country as they would recognize our union and allow me entry.  Here in the US, even if we did everything legally, the federal government could still deport him… which wouldn’t happen if he was in a heterosexual relationship.  We have talked overall about what we do if we did have that choice that a heterosexual couple would have over which country to live in.  And the conversation did lean more toward living here in the US rather than Britain.  Though his family and friends are there and that is his home, there were more things at stake.  The biggest (so there aren’t too many details listed) came down to employment.  I’ve been at one of my jobs for 6 1/2 years (and the other 4 years); whereas, he’s only been at his for one.  Though moving to Britain would give me a chance to work for the BBC… and that does kind of have me enticed just a bit.  But the entire discussion we knew was a mute point considering what the US policy is at this time.  This is why the UAFA is an important piece of legislation and why it is so very important to me.

When UAFA was reintroduced, it had a record number of new cosponsors.  Could this be a sign that the times are changing and that the powers that be can now see that the idea of “modern family” is changing, too?  The legislation has been brought up before, but has never been successful.  With Republicans in control of the House of Representatives now, it still seems like a distant prospect, but one can’t help but be hopeful with all the new cosponsors signing on.  Maybe they have heard the voices that have spoken up in support of it.  True, there are plenty out there who will be adamantly against such legislation because it involves gay spouses and their idea of the “modern family” still remains stuck in that old 50s style.  And that is fine for their own beliefs, but unfortunately, there are others that exist within society that do not form to that “classic” mold.

The federal government shouldn’t be making it’s own people feel like second-class citizens, and yet we find it doing just that once again.  This time we find it making a person decide between love of country and the love of their life instead of leaving the decision on where to live up to the couple and what they want… like a heterosexual couple would have.  It is the final line of Emma Lazarus’ poem on the Statue of Liberty that comes to mind… “I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”  The door that opens to American freedoms might be golden for some, but for others that gold has been dulled by the idea that we are all not treated equally under the law and that some of us are held as second-class citizens.

So I ask all of you to think about the concept of modern family and think about how you would feel if you were in mine or someone else’s shoes in this one.  Should the federal government deport a legal spouse of a US citizen simply because it’s a gay union and the federal government chooses not to recognize it?  Is it fair to treat two legally-binding unions differently under the law (meaning heterosexual and homosexual unions)?  It is my firm belief that within today’s society there is no difference between these two types of unions and that they shouldn’t be treated any differently.  So as the entire idea of the “modern family” changes, we have to make sure that we keep up with it.

INFORMATION:  And you can call your Congressman/Congresswoman and Senators to tell them to support the Uniting American Families Act (UAFA) and/or Reuniting Families Act (RFA) by calling the Capitol switchboard at 202-224-3121.

Fabian Strategy

In these times upon which we live in, we continue the day to day struggle for our most basic rights.  We fight against stereotypes, discrimination, and being second-class citizens within our own borders.  With each day, we hear of set-backs but we also hear of progress.  Sometimes that progress can seem very slow… moving at a snail’s pace at times, and the nay-sayers come out to complain that it’s not enough and that we shouldn’t be accepting the little things in exchange for the bigger goals.  However, it has always been my view that we need those smaller victories on our way to fully achieving equality for our LGBT community.

During the American Revolution, it did not take long for General Washington to realize that his forces could not stand up to a full frontal and decisive battle against the superior British army.  So his goal was to stay one step ahead of the British… just out of arm’s reach for as long as possible and engage in small side skirmishes, rear-guard action, and disrupting the British supply lines… something called the Fabian strategy.  The name actually derives its name from Quintus Fabius Maximus Verrucosus, the dictator of the Roman Republic that had to defeat the Carthaginian general Hannibal during the Second Punic War.   Hannibal had a larger Army and Fabius knew that he couldn’t defeat him head-on, so he shadowed him and wore down Hannibal’s forces.  General George Washington used the same tactic to keep his army together during the American Revolution to fight another day and to wear down the British forces until they gave up and went home… which they eventually did.  General Washington knew that he must exploit and take advantage of every victory… no matter how small and make the most of it.  The future of his army and the cause in which they were fighting for depended on those small, yet seemingly insignificant, victories.

Today, we fight a new set of battles.  These are not fought with muskets and cannons but instead within the courts and the legislatures… by protesting and writing and by growing public support.  Though these battles are not fought the same, they are for the same cause… for freedom, for equality… for our basic rights as citizens.  And since our cause is the same, we know this to be a just cause.

Whether we are moving across various municipalities, or from state to state, or across the entire country, all of the battles are equally important because they affect someone.  And every victory, no matter how small or insignificant, should be cherished.  They are all part of the greater story that we are writing together.  It is always better to make some progress rather than make none at all.

One of the reasons why the American colonies split from Great Britain was because the citizens were tired of being discriminated against… of being treated as though they were second-class citizens within the British Empire.  And yet, here we find ourselves yet again fighting for these exact same reasons… and it is something that has plagued our country several times throughout history.  It is something we have difficulty learning despite the fact that it’s what created our nation.

We must take pride in our community and all those who fight alongside us.  We must continue to work for reform and take every small victory we can get on our way to the decisive victory that will give us full equality as Americans.  The Fabian strategy, that worked so well for Fabius and for General Washington, can be our greatest asset.  We can wear down our opposition and make them give up and go home.  Every small victory that we gain should send them the message that we will continue to fight with greater fervor and determination until we achieve victory, and that we won’t stop until we do.

By watching poll numbers over the past several years, one things is clear… time is on our side.  We must keep up the fight for tomorrow might bring us the great victory we search for.  Yes, we all want everything now, but now will soon be upon us.  We must not become demoralized, we must not become impatient, and we must not give up on the just cause.  Our generation, and all the generations that are yet to come, rests on what we achieve today and what we achieve tomorrow.  Together, we will achieve equality for our brothers and sisters, and we will make sure history gets it right.

Aloha!

Hawaii was the one of the first states to burst onto the forefront of the LGBT-movement in what seems like so long ago.  The early news from the state was short-lived as the rights were taken away.  But earlier this week, the state of Hawaii… our 50th state… took a bold new step in the course of equal rights for all its citizens when it approved civil unions for LGBT couples.  Hawaii has an anti-gay marriage amendment in its constitution, so this is as close as supporters can currently go without having to repeal the amendment… which is probably the next overall step.  The legislature had approved this last year, but the Governor at the time vetoed it.  This time, with a new Governor in the office, it is done.  Hawaii becomes the 7th state to approve of civil unions… following on the heals of Illinois which approved of them earlier in the year.

This is remarkable progress and an important step for our community, but it is not the end of our journey.  The work still presses forward, our hopes are anew, and the dreams of our brothers in a state far beyond the borders of any other state are being realized.  They can hold their head up high and know that their state is making progressive social strides for all its citizens.

When one visits Hawaii, there is but one greeting for arriving and departing… Aloha.  I think our community has even more reason to be saying ‘Aloha’ now as it joins a group of states from the mainland.  And though the state is often considered the last of the statehood lineage, it has shown us now that it is not last in our hearts.   “Ua Mau Ke Ea O Ka Aina I Ka Pono”… or “The Life of the Land is Perpetuated in Righteousness.”

I will admit that I am very proud of the step that Hawaii has taken this past week.  It goes to show that the times are changing and that people are starting to realize that the sky won’t fall in.  Still, it is a trek that we are all on together, and during this journey, we must not lose sight of our own basic humanity toward each other… no matter what side of the issue one might fall on.  As this important step comes to pass, I would like to encourage those on the opposing side to keep an open mind and see where things fall.  And so… in celebrating the big step that Hawaii has made toward equal rights for its citizens, the only thing that really needs to be said is… Aloha!

The Sounds of Bluegrass

This past Monday a survey was released to the citizens of the state of Kentucky.  The Schapiro Group of Atlanta had interviewed 600 registered voters from across the state between November and December of 2010 on the subject of tolerance toward the LGBT community and discrimination.  It would appear that 83% of Kentucky residents say that LGBT people should be protected from discrimination in the workplace, in housing, and in public places.  You might need to read that sentence over again to make sure you read that number correctly… 83%.  If you’re like me, you probably wouldn’t think of a number that high for a state that has a “southern state” image to it.  But images can always be deceiving from both sides.  We must remember that Kentucky was the birthplace of Abraham Lincoln (and Jefferson Davis), and where Congressman Henry Clay was from… someone that my ancestry has a connection to.

But when it comes to gay rights, Kentucky usually isn’t at the forefront of the fight.  But then again… times are changing and so is the mindset of the nation… even if does seem a bit slow to us living in the moment.  The numbers were up 18-percentage points from a similar survey taken in 2004.  So technically by historical terms, the mindset of people are changing much quicker than they have over other things such as civil rights or women’s rights.  Could access to various media outlets and the internet be fueling this “rapid” change?  More than likely.  The more open and honest about who we are, the more people see that we are no different than they are.

So with these new survey results, does this mean that Kentucky will be a state that will be gay-friendly in the near future?  One can certainly hope so… and I know I’m not alone with that sentiment, but there is still a lot of work to be done in order to make such progress possible.  Despite the overall number showing improvement, it would seem (according to the survey) that only 70% would support equal legal protections for the LGBT-community… which is only up just 7%.  But the survey showed that these types of numbers weren’t just isolated to the major urban areas of Louisville and Lexington.  It was spread out across the state.  Now that is impressive within itself.  I know that Missouri wouldn’t have those kinds of numbers throughout the state… probably just in St. Louis, Kansas City, and possibly Columbia.

So Kentucky could be setting itself up ahead of the overall national curve.  The typical southern state is seen as something that is very anti-gay… with the exception of a few scattered urban areas.  The mere fact that the citizens of Kentucky are starting to realize that the LGBT-community shouldn’t be discriminated against is a big first step… even if it is only in the workplace, housing, and public places.  It’s a place to start and build upon.  And I, for one, applaud the people and the state of Kentucky for opening their minds and progressing forward, and I hope that they continue to do so.

It would be interesting if there were numbers from other southern states (Missouri included) that had been taken at the same time on the same issues so that we could see where Kentucky stood overall.  My guess, though, is that it would stand a few steps higher than most of them.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote in A Psalm of Life, “Still achieving, still pursuing, Learn to labour and to wait.”  Though at times, progress might seem slow, we must continue to push forward and lead by example.  Patience is a virtue that we must hold to, as well.  The numbers out of Kentucky should give us all hope, not just those within the state, but we must also be mindful and not allow us to get ahead of ourselves.  We are only in the middle of this vast journey, and there is still plenty of work that needs to be done.  As time continues to move forward, the mindset of the people changes ever so slowly.  But with each step, we should celebrate the accomplishment and allow it to renew our energy and our drive for a better tomorrow.  So for the people of Kentucky, there is renewed hope and the start of a new tomorrow… and they continue to press on.

SIDENOTE: For those of you living in Kentucky, or even those of you who don’t, that are wishing to get involved or contribute in some way, look no farther than the Fairness Campaign.  I’m sure they’d be glad to hear from you.